In our previous blog, we wrote about our visit to an ob-gynecologist and how we felt that our hope was crushed when she told us that there wasn’t anything she could do about our case and it was hopeless to undergo work-up. We were strongly advised to go for IVF. The doctor even volunteered to personally call our former surgeon to set up an appointment for us. We respectfully declined, telling her that we needed to pray about our next step.
After the visit, I (Joan) poured out my heart once again to the Lord and reviewed every infertility story in the Bible. I recalled a scene from the movie, “Faith Like Potatoes”, where Bro. Angus Buchan declared that the condition for a great miracle of God is impossibility. I also hung on to the verse in Luke 1:37, “For nothing is impossible with God!” which was an angelic proclamation over fertility issues (Mary’s virgin conception & her cousin Elizabeth’s pregnancy in spite of old age and barrenness).
Another promise that I held on to was a personal conviction in my heart that at the age of 37, God will make me a mother. If anyone would ask me what’s my basis for believing this, I could only say that it’s a divine impression between me and the Lord. I never attempted to share this to anyone because it may come across as presumptuous. I only shared this to Reuben since I wanted him to trust God with me for the fulfillment of the promise.
As Reuben and I processed the ob-gyne visit, I reminded him about this promise as well as the faithfulness of God through His revelations in the Bible stories I’ve studied. My husband’s heart, however, was now leaning toward adoption. He has seen four years of tears and frustrations from me. It’s with compassion and conviction that he felt that it was time for us to consider opening our hearts and home to an adopted baby.
In my desire to submit to my husband, I agreed with his choice. But I asked that we start the adoption process by January 2015. I told him that God might still intervene in our situation as we waited.
We began telling our family and friends about our decision to adopt so they can start praying with us. We praise God that many were very supportive and helpful about the things we needed to know and prepare for. An excitement in our hearts began to grow as we started embracing our future as adoptive parents-to-be.
But God had a different plan.
During Holy Week I started noticing a delay in my usually-regular period. I initially thought that I must be stressed. The one day delay turned to two, then three…and reached up to ten days. By the time we were in our annual missionary conference in Caliraya, Laguna, I was experiencing vomiting and headaches on a daily basis. These symptoms made me think of the possibility of being pregnant, so I became very careful with my movements and decided to skip sessions when I was feeling sick.
We came home from the conference on a Friday. I asked Reuben to buy me a home pregnancy kit. I decided to wait four more days before taking the test.
But something happened during Saturday. I bled. Once again I felt my hope being crushed. I also felt betrayed. Bawled before the Lord and Reuben. I poured out all the grief in my heart. But in spite of the grief, I forced myself to see my situation from God’s perspective and thanked Him, by faith not feelings, for His sovereign goodness in my life. I claimed Habbakuk 3:17-19, where the writer says:
“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even through the flocks die in the field, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.”
This passage comforted me. I started calming down, and the bleeding abruptly stopped. I was able to sleep soundly afterwards.
The next day, Sunday, we decided not to delay any longer and took the pregnancy test. Lo and behold! You can imagine our elation! For the first time in many years, we saw two stripes! Reuben can’t help crying the whole day and the days following this discovery. Another wonderful gift from the Lord was seeing our baby’s heartbeat and healthy condition during our ultrasound the following day.
Here is my personal prayer as a mother-to-be:
“Father in heaven, I cannot fully describe the joy and thanksgiving that I have for what You’ve done on our behalf. We really don’t deserve this beautiful gift of life. This is only by Your grace and sovereign will. You are so good to us, Lord! Thank You for fulfilling Your promise to me. Thank You for being a God who is fully alive and resurrects the hope of His children who put their trust in You. You are victorious and glorified in our circumstance, Lord. This is entirely about You and we take no credit for the miracle of life that You’ve given us. Deepen our love, knowledge, understanding and faith in You as we continue on in our spiritual journey. We love and worship You, Lord, our God and Savior. In Jesus’ name we commit our lives and the people who read our story for Your glory and purposes, amen!”