My Infertility Journey: Hope Crushed Again

For three years after my back-to-back surgeries (2010 & 2011), I was able to successfully avoid ob-gyne visits.  But there’s this little belief that I shared with the Lord that finally gave me that inner push to have myself checked again.  And I’m sharing it here, in a very public post:  I believed in my spirit, against all odds & doom-sayings of medical science, that I will become a mother at the age of 37.

So there! My little secret is out in the open.

I am now less than three months shy of turning 37.  It’s time.  I was so excited for my miracle!  To prepare myself, I decided to go for work-up.  Went to a Chinese acupuncturist whose clinic was conveniently located near our home.

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Pins all over my body!!! With electrical heating lamp. Aaaargh!

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My complaining face…drinking Chinese Herbal Drink for a week, twice a day.

After this week-long regimen, Reuben & I visited an ob-gyne.  We opted for someone who is a Christian & was able to help other women in CCC with their pregnancies.

In the clinic, I began describing my last diagnosis from my surgery. The doctor was kind, but brutally honest.  I had a closed tube. My endometriosis was profound.  Her recommendation was for us to go back to my former surgeon, who was known in ob-gyne circles as the father of reproductive medicine & surgery in the Philippines.  She encouraged me to ask him for a very charitable discount for an IVF procedure.  Or to raise support for this, pointing out to us on her wall a picture of a missionary family who was able to raise P6M for their child who underwent liver transplant.  In my mind, “raising support” for IVF was out of the question because it’s not the kind of cause that ministry partners would consider investing in.  Plus, I have already made the decision three years ago not to pursue IVF out of personal convictions.

With heavy hearts, Reuben & I left the clinic.  There was a sense of loss that started welling up from my discouraged heart and found its way as tears in my eyes.  That afternoon, I reviewed every infertility story in the Bible to revive my hope.  I still wanted my miracle.

But Reuben was determined to move on. He has witnessed four years worth of waiting, tears & disappointment on my part.  He’s had enough. It’s time for us to consider other options.

(To be continued…)

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3 Comments

Filed under battle with ovarian cysts, children, Dealing with imperfections, infertility

3 responses to “My Infertility Journey: Hope Crushed Again

  1. Pingback: My Infertility Journey 1: Hope Crushed Again | Femme Faith

  2. Thank you for sharing Ate Joan… My heart goes out to you and Kuya. Will be praying for your hearts as you go through this… May God be glorified in you two.

    • Hi Elynne. I wrote this not knowing I was pregnant already. What an amazing turn of events. Only God can orchestrate the miracle growing inside of me. Thank you for journeying with us in your thoughts & prayers.

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